A DESPERATE AND STUPID ACT
It’s been six months since having my bladder removed and I’m still waiting for my new lease on life to show up in the mail.
Prior to drifting into sheer blackness under the blinding bright lights of the operating room, I told myself there would be a new beginning once consciousness was regained. All the projects on the ‘coulda/woulda/shoulda’ pile would be revamped and put on the virtual conveyor belt in my brain to be knocked and shot out into the world in an effort to stay fulfilled while waiting to shuffle off this mortal coil. Perhaps it was unrealistic to think I would immediately snap back both mentally and physically from such a major life occurrence. The promise I made to begin writing a new book at the start of 2024 has stalled out simply due to getting in my own way – the making of endless lists…whittling down said lists only to build them up bigger…the voice in my head telling me it will all be a waste of time and money…the shame if the book never gets completed…writing a post about how difficult it is getting the book off the ground…You know, totally normal stuff.
Rorschach. Photo: Justine DeMetrick
In an attempt at not giving too much away, the tentative title for the book will be AN ALTERNATIVE (& HIGHLY PERSONALIZED) HISTORY OF THE 90s U.S. UNDERGROUND. The book will cover the American underground of basement shows, bands on labels like Gern Blandsten, Vermiform, and Gravity as well as the issues of gender, race, politics, and ethics. The book hopes to reveal how an almost uncategorizable scene grew off the DIY Hardcore scene that was united more by ethics than musical style. For those who know this particular music scene – and I’m guessing you do – I hope that provides enough context while keeping the subject somewhat clandestine.
Getting from list-making mode to actual writing mode is the issue presently. Despite having completed the act three times before, the move seems so daunting and impossible that I begin to tell myself I’ve had a good run and there’s nothing wrong with stepping back to let the loudmouths tell their predictable version of history. I come from a long line of quitters, so why not give into the tradition?
Universal Order of Armageddon Photo: Justine DeMetrick
There’s also the matter of having no publisher for this book so far. With past efforts, a contract and a deadline were looming over to ensure I finished. There was also a monetary advance to calm the nerves. The combination of those elements helped to assure me that someone found my idea decent enough that they wanted to publish it and trusted me to finish it.
Due to my lack of discipline and ambition, I’m afraid it'll never happen if it’s all up to me. There needs to be someone holding me accountable or it won’t happen. I’ve always been ambivalent about crowdsourcing on the internet because it comes off kinda wishy-washy. Also, once you put the idea out there, it’s fair game to anyone with an Adderall addiction desperate enough to stay relevant. I am already paranoid about sending the synopsis around to other writers, fearing someone with more connections and self-motivation will snake the idea.
Merel Photo: Justine DeMetrick
So, I guess this is a long, rambling, and somewhat incoherent way of asking for advice on jumpstarting this project.
Although I kinda think of it as a cheeseball move, I’m contemplating starting the book in serial form here on Substack for paying customers. As sad as it might sound, I think that’s the only way I’ll be motivated to work on it daily while also providing some promotion for its eventual release. Is this a lame idea? Would anyone buy the book after putting most of it up on Substack? Does this Epsom Salt lotion smell like stale Miller Lite to you?
Please let me know what you think of this cockamamie plan. Is it a desperate act that makes me look stupid? If you get that reference, I already know the answer.
Hell yeah I'd buy both. And a third one too if you made an audiobook. Most recently I did that with the Kid Congo book and would recommend it highly. (Aw, you're in the Kid Congo tier of my brain.)
I don't have any advice, but want to add encouragement to finish the book, because you're covering something very near and dear to me, and to many others. I would absolutely purchase the book regardless of how it is published. My preference is always to have a physical copy of the book where the material is fresh to me, but don't mind it being serialized, and definitely prefer the latter to not having the book at all.