MOVIE REVIEW: "WE ARE THE LEAGUE"
A few nights ago while making dinner, I was re-listening to the episode of Henry Rollins’ radio show on KCRW where he and Ian MacKaye recount Black Flag’s first tour of Britain in the winter of 1981. Broadcast way back in 2018, I have listened to it numerous times and still listen with rapt attention and chuckle heartily as these two lifelong pals retell the highs and lows of that historic trip.
In the episode, the songs of bands Black Flag shared stages with on the tour are peppered throughout. One particular part that always gets a giggle out of me is when the duo return from playing The Anti-Nowhere Leagues’ rendition of Ralph McTells’ “Streets of London”. As Henry reckons it’s most likely the first time the cartoon punk unit have ever been blasted over the airwaves of NPR, MacKaye leans into the mic and deadpans, “You’re welcome, America”. The delivery of the line is spot-on perfect and provides a smile every goddamn time I hear it. So, thanks for providing that joy time after time, Mr. Gumbo.
My history with the Anti-Nowhere League doesn’t run too deep. I remember my brother had the “I Hate…People” single and when I was 12, a sisters’ boyfriend gave me a copy of their Live in Yugoslavia LP that he bought on a whim. Now that I think about it, it’s truly bizarre that a high school drug dealer not only bought that record for no reason, but gave it to a middle schooler. Whatever, I guess he knew there was already an interest in punk in my brain, so it makes sense in some…uh…sense. So, yeah, although I won’t deny the above mentioned “I Hate People” and their song “For You” are potent rockers, my knowledge of them is slim.
But listening to the banter of Rollins and MacKaye for the umpteenth time reminded me that a documentary was made a few years ago about the band titled We Are The League. A quick search on Tubi let me know it was streaming for free, and voila!, my after dinner entertainment was all sorted out.
Hatched in the picture-postcard, quintessentially English town of Tunbridge Wells, the band was the brainchild of guitarist Chris “Magoo” Exhall who eventually brought his concept to life by recruiting local biker Nick “Animal” Culmer on vocals and skinhead Clive “Winston” Blake on bass. For the record, I don’t get how a nickname like “Winston” is supposed to stand up to one like Animal.
After their original drummer bailed, the band recruited Djahanshah Aghssa, otherwise known as P.J. – Persian John. According to Winston, in an effort not to lose their precious National Front following, the Iranian P.J. played his first gigs under a stocking. Despite even P.J. declaring the 80’s to be a ‘different time’, there’s no getting around it was a fucked up move in order to keep a fanbase that would better be lost than kept. Really classy, guys!
Apparently it is The Damned to blame for the band getting any recognition due to the ANWL bribing Rat Scabies to take them on tour, which to me, doesn’t make sense. You’re going on about how piss poor you were at the start of the band, but you had enough dosh to pay off the biggest punk band in the UK to be their opening band? It all sounds pretty salmony to me, if you catch my drift.
As stated earlier, I have no deep knowledge of ANWL. So I had no idea they made music videos back then. And quite frankly, I wish I still didn’t have that knowledge. I fully admit as a dopey child I would stare at the cover of The Exploited album Troops of Tomorrow and get wrapped up in the exaggerated pageantry, but me thinks even my WWF-damaged brain would have pissed myself silly laughing at these things. Animal with his perfectly quaffed ‘do and chains wrapped around his bare chest while wielding an ax looks like an extra from Quincy or CHiPS. Did anyone over the age of 15 take this shit seriously? I know I’m speaking with the advantage of hindsight…but c’mon!
Unsurprisingly, once punk stopped squeezing out whatever shekels it could, they bounced into musical territories that would make Kajagoogoo look like Rose Tattoo. But once Metallica covered their cuss-word caked song “So What” they – again, not a shocker – came running right back to punk. Leading up to today, Animal has been the only original member carrying the band on. His version is the one who released the highly progressive tune, “The Day The World Turned Gay” a dozen years or so ago. So, you know, at least he’s staying consistent in the band’s origins of ignorance.
Please don’t take this review as the act of some keyboard do-gooder attempting to gain attention or make waves. I think the facts are the facts here. A group of chancers took a sitcom version of punk and ran with it as far as they could and then retreated when the money wasn’t to their liking. In the present day, I’m guessing the punk revival fests scattered around the UK and Europe make it worth their while or pay for bike repairs.
Nonetheless, I’ve learned my lesson. I’m never cooking dinner for myself ever again!