NEVER MIND THE ANNIVERSARIES, HERE'S MY RYE TOUR DIARY FROM 30 YEARS AGO: PT I

If we're gonna celebrate every g'damned anniversary, let's celebrate one no one cares about, shall we?

30 years ago today, I went along on the first cross-country tour of Jersey City rock unit Rye — later to be known as Rye Coalition — as a hanger-on/roadie. Also on the trip were Charles Maggio (road manager) and Mike Simonetti (Guy who bought a lot of records).

The reason why a South Jersey hayseed such as myself was allowed to go on this tour fulla North Jersey chooches is lost on me at this late date. Other than Charles, Simo and drummer Dave Leto, I’d only knew the rest of the band from the one or two times our bands played together. Maybe I was seen as some hillbilly comic relief or someone who was more willing to take part in drinking, smoking and fucking around than my fellow ‘roadies’. Or maybe I just elbowed my way into the situation without asking permission? That one sounds more likely.

But I guess the major question in the present day should be:

Who the hell thought sending a group of anonymous teenagers on a cross-country tour was a good idea?

All Rye had to hawk was their demo tape, The Dancing Man, and some shabbily silk-screened shirts. Dave’s previous time slappin’ the bass for Merel might have brought out some white-belted heads deep into the proto-screamo thing, but other than that, I think it’s safe to say the band was unknown at the time.

Now, that’s not to say it wasn’t a fun and messy trip. From what I remember, there were plenty of dumb yucks had at each other’s expense and we met some nice people along the way. Looking back, that’s all I could ask for as a dummy desperate to fit in. Thanks to Charles, Mike and everyone else for letting me be a part of it.

P.S: Yes, I know I got some nerve pulling this tour diary outta my butt after my post from a few days ago declaring my ambivalence towards all things anniversary-ey. But since no one is offering me a solid-gold yacht in exchange for this ‘exclusive’ story, I feel I’m in the clear. And if it bothers you so much, go somewhere else and read the 80-part history of Snapcase.

I will try to post an entry just as the tour played out 30 years ago. Hopefully covid, a UTI or my phony bladder won’t get in the way of my good time.

8/16/94 – DETROIT, MICHIGAN - GROUNDS COFFEHAUS
After much deliberation on whether or not we were actually leaving due to Ralph’s father taking the keys to the van, we were on the road to the first gig of the tour in Detroit. I could tell we were off to a good start when three hours into our trip, John Q. Law of the Pennsyltucky State Police pulled us over. After asking us if we were coming from Woodstock ‘94, the good ole boy inquired on whether or not our driver Ralph was hyped up on goofballs due to him swerving all around the highway. Little did this son of a brother know that it was impossible not to swerve while driving this thing since the mix of a high roof and high winds makes the van…well…swerve. We tried to explain this to officer white trash but he wasn’t buying it. He made Ralph get out of the van and walk the line, say the alphabet backward, dance the mambo with a mountain lion, etc. 

The cop left Ralph by the police car and asked us to please tell him what Ralph was on. It took a while, but we all assured him Ralph’s issues were purely mental and had zero to do with controlled substances. He let us go with another person driving. After that close call, a saucy game of Scattergories was played. 

We got to the show super late and missed the band we all wanted to see, Hose Got Cable. Rye sucked and John took a chunk out of Dave’s bass drum. So far, this tour is going really smoothly!

Afterwards, we ate at a Taco Bell where the register counter was completely glass-enclosed. Nice town, this Detroit. 

We stayed at Matt from Current’s house and he seems like a real hospitable dude. I fell asleep behind a couch and woke up to Charles watching The Dicks on an old Flipside video.

After that, I showered and felt good. Went to a cool record store and found back issues of Creem and Touch & Go, ate a decent vegetarian place and got a few Munsingwear shirts at a thrift store. Went back to Matt’s and got dirty as fuck silk screening Rye shirts. Matt had a few silkscreens of his own as well, so I screened a rad Chino Horde one on the back of my jacket. He also had a silkscreen that just had the word POOP on it, so I had to put that on a shirt as well. After cleaning up after ourelves, there was a dance contest to the Hose Got Cable seven-inch. Charles and Gonnelli won.